JOKES

Chemist and Indigestion

Posted By: bett
Date Posted: 11-Jun-2011 14:26:03 PM UTC

Someone rung the bell of the Chemist many times one night at 2 o'clock. Finally the chemist managed to get out of the bed and opened the door to see who was ringing it.

The man who rung the bell said, "I need some bicarbonate soda for fifty cents. I have an indigestion you see".

The chemist replied angrily, "What? You wake me up at this time of the night for fifty cents worth of bicarbonate soda when just a glass of water could have cured it?"

The man put back the money in his pocket and said when leaving, "Thank you for the advice, sir. Good night"

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Naughty Kid

Posted By: bett
Date Posted: 11-Jun-2011 14:25:19 PM UTC

A couple wanted to know what profession their five year old son would be good at when he grew up. On the recommendation of a friend, they went to a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist asked the nurse to keep a couple of things like some test tubes, a thermometer, a laptop in front of the kid and told the parents, "If he grabs the test tubes, he will become a chemist, if he grabs the thermometer, he will become a doctor and if he grabs the laptop he will become a computer engineer."

They waited to see what the kid will take. BUt the kid grabbed the nurse as she was keeping the things.

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Father and Fiance

Posted By: bett
Date Posted: 11-Jun-2011 14:24:48 PM UTC

Her father: Where will you live when you are married?

Her fiance: I will leave that up to your daughter, sir.

Her father: What sort of wedding do you want?

Her fiance: I will leave that up to your wife, sir.

Her father: How will you support my daughter?

Her fiance: I will leave that up to you, sir.

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Hilarious Husband and Wife Joke

Posted By: bett
Date Posted: 11-Jun-2011 14:24:21 PM UTC

John went to the club with his friend and started gambling. He started winning every round and started increasing the stakes everytime. Within an hour he had won about

50000 dollars. In one mad moment, he bet the entire amount for the next round and lost it. The shock was too much for him. His friend Ted told the folks around them,

"I know John's wife. I will tell her the who story bit by bit so that it can reduce the shock. "

He went to their house and knocked, "Hello Betty".

Betty answered, "Hello Ted, where is John, did not he come with you".

John: "Well, we went to the club together"

Betty frowned, "And did you gamble?"

John, "Well, yes.".

Betty: "Didn't I tell him not to gamble anymore. That idiot."

John: "But he started by winning 10000 dollars".

Her eyes widened, "And then?"

John: "But in the end he lost 50000 dollars"

Betty: "That dirty bum, the scroundrel. Let him drop dead".

John: "Well, he did Betty. Good night."

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Judge Joke

Posted By: bett
Date Posted: 11-Jun-2011 14:24:00 PM UTC

A luscious girl was in the witness box and the judge couldn't help but stare at her, asking her questions absentmindedly. He asked,
"Where were you the night before the last, dear?

The girl replied, "With one of my boyfriends".

"And where were you last night?"

"With another of my boyfriends".

"Where will you be tonight?", the judge asked expectantly.

The prosecuting attorney shouted, "Objection your honor, I asked her first."

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Dentist and the Cavity Joke

Posted By: bett
Date Posted: 8-Jun-2011 18:00:04 PM UTC

Dentist was examining a man's teeth deeply and exclaimed,
"That's the biggest cavity that I have ever seen".

Man: "Ok, but why did you say it twice?"

Dentist: "I didn't, that was an echo"

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Funny Signboards

Posted By: bett
Date Posted: 8-Jun-2011 17:59:46 PM UTC

Priest: I pray for all
Lawyer: I please for all
Doctor: I prescribe for all
Common man: I pay for all!

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Silly Jokes

Posted By: bett
Date Posted: 8-Jun-2011 17:59:30 PM UTC

Judge: Are you a natural born citizen of USA?
Accused: No sir, I am born by cesarean.



Cop stopped a car and said to Banta the driver:
"What do you think of yourself? You are driving at 120 miles on the wrong side of the road and did not stop at the signal"

Santa who was sitting on the backseat of the car said:
"Why don't you ask me sir? He usually doesn't speak after he gets drunk"

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Office Joke

Posted By: bett
Date Posted: 8-Jun-2011 17:58:46 PM UTC

Boss to employee: Can you suggest a tag line for our house insurance scheme?

Employee: How about this:
"An investment now can pay you big dividends soon"

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The wife and the horse

Posted By: bett
Date Posted: 8-Jun-2011 17:58:15 PM UTC

Wife to husband angrily: Who is Jenny? You were saying her name in your sleep yesterday night.

Husband: Ah, thats the name of the horse that I bet on yesterday in the race.

Wife: Ok, the horse actually telephoned you today morning to thank you for betting on her.

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The doctor, the lady and her husband

Posted By: bett
Date Posted: 8-Jun-2011 17:57:33 PM UTC

A doctor got a call from a woman who said,

"Doctor, I got a gift from my husband for my birthday but I am unable to get into it, I need to reduce my weight. Is there any instant cure for weight loss?"

The doctor said, "Why don't you come over so that I can see how fast we can make you lose weight so that you can fit in your birthday dress".

The woman replied, "Who said it's a dress. It's a car."

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Nose Cut Joke

Posted By: bett
Date Posted: 8-Jun-2011 17:56:38 PM UTC

An old but rich lady had thrown a party to a small group of youth from the nearby college.

She asked one of them, "How do you decide who should come to the party from among your group of friends, because as you know the invitation is only for a few."

The young man replid, "We draw lots"

The beaming Old Lady asked: "Is it, then you must have won!"

Young man: "No, I lost".

Reply

2 Culprits

Posted By: bett
Date Posted: 8-Jun-2011 17:56:20 PM UTC

Two culprits in a jail were talking to each toher.

Culprit 1: Why are you here?

Culprit 2: I stole 2000$ from a supermarket.

Culprit 1: That way you wouldn't get rich. You need to try robbing from a bank.

Culprit 2: But banks usually close by the time I come out of school.

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Silly School Joke

Posted By: bett
Date Posted: 8-Jun-2011 17:56:04 PM UTC

Teacher: If a cow gives a litre of milk everyday, how many litres would it give in a week?"

Student: 6 litres

Teacher: How can that be? A week has seven days as you know.

Student: But ma'am, Sunday is a holiday.

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Confusing Joke

Posted By: bett
Date Posted: 8-Jun-2011 17:55:48 PM UTC

Boss: "I see that you are coming late to work everyday".

Employee: "But sir I leave early from office everyday".

Boss: "???"

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A billionaire at Pearly gates joke

Posted By: bett
Date Posted: 8-Jun-2011 17:55:30 PM UTC

A billionaire died and went to Pearly Gates.
St. Peter asked him, "What are the good deeds that you have done?"

Billionaire: "I gave a cent to an old lady"

St. Peter: "Then?"

Billionaire: "I gave another cent to a blind beggar who thought they were dimes and became happy".

St.Peter asked Gabriel, "Where do you think we send this man to, Heaven or Hell?

Gabriel: "Give him back his 2 cents and send him to hell".

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Doctor and the worried patient Joke

Posted By: bett
Date Posted: 8-Jun-2011 17:54:54 PM UTC

Patient to doctor: "My life is full of problems. I am diabetic".

Doctor: "Don't worry, we all have problems. That would cost 100$ a week and the treatment will be for six months"

The patient said after thinking for a moment, "Well doctor that solves your problem. How about mine?"

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Short and Funny Joke

Posted By: bett
Date Posted: 8-Jun-2011 17:54:24 PM UTC

Why wouldn't a woman make a good auctioneer?

Because she would have to stand up and say "All I want is an offer."

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Marriage and Divorce Joke

Posted By: bett
Date Posted: 8-Jun-2011 17:53:58 PM UTC

Lady 1: "Why did you get married at all?
Lady 2: "For money"
Lady 1: "Then why did you divorce?"
Lady 2: "I got it!".

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Hotel PJ

Posted By: bett
Date Posted: 8-Jun-2011 17:53:40 PM UTC

Customer in a hotel: "Waiter, what salad is this?

Waiter: "Bean Salad sir"

Customer: "It doesn't matter what it's been. What is it now?

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