HUSBAND AND WIFE JOKES

The Face Joke

Posted By: jokar
Date Posted: 16-May-2012 11:57:07 AM UTC

The joke is your face.

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The Face Joke

Posted By: jokar
Date Posted: 16-May-2012 11:56:53 AM UTC

The joke is your face.

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Wedding cost

Posted By: Jokerman
Date Posted: 17-Apr-2012 10:19:00 AM UTC

Mike asked his father,
Mike: How much does it cost for a wedding?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

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What is it ?

Posted By: Yazan Zamel
Date Posted: 29-Mar-2012 14:34:16 PM UTC

what is an animal that does have legs, wings and eyes and cant walk,fly,or see ?
ansewr : deadbird

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You get what you ask for

Posted By: (anonymous)
Date Posted: 11-Mar-2012 15:09:12 PM UTC

Wife: <Looks at herself in the mirror> Husband, I'm getting old. My hips are big, I have bags under my eyes, I have wrinkles, and grey hairs. <she pauses looking at him> Please complement me on something.

Husband: Your eyesight is still good.

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One Liner

Posted By: (anonymous)
Date Posted: 11-Mar-2012 15:07:21 PM UTC

Honey, you're a good wife. I don't care what my mistresses say.

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Husban and wife

Posted By: wheaties
Date Posted: 11-Feb-2012 07:24:01 AM UTC

A newly married couple are at a fair and at this fair is a bi-plane. The husband asks his wife if they can ride. The wife asks how much the ride is and the pilot replies "fifty dollars." The husband starts pulling the money out of his wallet and the wife says "but honey were are newly married and have expenses and bills and besides fifty dollars is fifty dollars" the husbands sighs and places the money back into his wallet. For Twenty five years the same couple come to the same fair and and argue over the same price of a plane ride. One year the pilot decides to help them out. The Pilot says " Tell ya'll what if i take ya'll up and ya'll dont make a sound while we are flying ya'll can have a full flight for free" both the husband and wife agree. so the pilot takes them up and tries every trick in the book to get them to squeel, Barrel roles and loop de loops and anything he could think of for the whole time he was up there. finilly he gave up and came in for a landing. when landed he turned to ask if the enjoyed the ride and noticed the wife was missing, in horror he asked the husband what happened the husband said oh she fell out about the third loop de loop. the pilot asked "but why didnt you say anything?" the husband stated " well fifty dollars is fifty dollars!"

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taklu mama

Posted By: madhu.shivshankar.vishwakarma
Date Posted: 3-Feb-2012 18:00:35 PM UTC

bhadwan bhadwan too anda meri ma roti hai mai atta tohto battata

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Broken Lawn Mower

Posted By: Q
Date Posted: 31-Jan-2012 12:00:41 PM UTC

Last Summer, the lawn mower broke. The Mrs. kept hinting to Mr. that he should get it fixed. But somehow, he always had something else to take care of first--the shed, the boat, making beer--always something more important than fixing the lawn mower. Finally, the Mrs thought of something very clever to make her point.
One morning, he went fishing and when he arrived home, she was seated in the tall grass busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. He watched silently for a short time and disappeared into the house only to return a minute later to hand the Mrs her toothbrush and said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

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talk gone wrong

Posted By: (anonymous)
Date Posted: 31-Jan-2012 01:37:32 AM UTC

Wife: What would you do if I die?
Husband: umm cry?
Wife: Wont you get remarried?
Husband: Of course not!
Wife: Dont you like being married?
Husband: Fine I would remarry.
Wife with angrish tone: Would you let her sleep in our bed?
Husband: That would be the proper thing to do.
Wife: Would you replace my pictures with hers?
Husband: Guess so.
Wife: Would you let her use my golf clubs?
Husband: No, shes left handed.
Wife: silence
Husband: Runs out

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maid in trouble

Posted By: jenna
Date Posted: 23-Jan-2012 16:18:11 PM UTC

man calls home to his wife
maid ;who is this
man ;where is madam
maid; she is busy with her friend
man ;and who is that friend
maid ;jaques
man(in jealousy)kill them both
the maid kills both of them and calls back
maid ; i have done it where should i throw them
man ;there is a swiming pool at the backyard throw them there
maid ;there is no swimming pool
man;oops sorry wrong number

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RE: maid in trouble

Posted By: damian
Date Posted: 13-Apr-2012 15:34:17 PM UTC

this is funny

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Ailing Husband

Posted By: (anonymous)
Date Posted: 4-Jan-2012 05:30:03 AM UTC

Dying husband: I have something to tell you.
Wife: Don't speak, just rest.
Husband: No, I must confess, I had sex with your sister and your best friend. ...
Wife: Sshhh. I know! That's why I poisoned you!

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funny marriage joke

Posted By: (anonymous)
Date Posted: 11-Dec-2011 02:05:38 AM UTC

what do you call a man and a women that are in love?
extinct

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RE: funny marriage joke

Posted By: Valerie Carrier
Date Posted: 26-Jan-2012 13:46:40 PM UTC

That is a good joke if you ask me

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hotse riding roflmfao

Posted By: (anonymous)
Date Posted: 25-Oct-2011 11:45:49 AM UTC

A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

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hi

Posted By: (anonymous)
Date Posted: 14-Oct-2011 16:39:15 PM UTC

yea

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husband and wife jokes

Posted By: nuri giornazi
Date Posted: 6-Oct-2011 04:57:37 AM UTC

husband woke up on some noise outside of his house ,he went to find out what is going on ,they told him the city water was poisoned ,so went to his room he found his wife awake ,she asked him ,what is doing on ,he replied nothing just drink a cup of water and go sleep

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Short marriage joke

Posted By: (anonymous)
Date Posted: 30-Aug-2011 13:57:51 PM UTC

When we were first married I used to wake up grumpy in the morning, now I just let her sleep!!!

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Husband and Wife Funny Joke

Posted By: bett
Date Posted: 21-May-2011 17:38:05 PM UTC

For a husband, losing his wife is very difficult.
In my case it was impossible.

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